It’s been a tough couple of weeks I’ve struggled more than I care to realise. It’s been a sensory overload and I feel emotionally exhausted so much so that I feel like I could cry and I won’t stop. I have felt the most overwhelmed and over sensitive and feel everything, I feel that roll of the eyes, that odd look, that hurtful email, that comment when all I am doing is my job. I try so much to fit in and be typically so called normal that it’s just too much I feel like I could shatter, and to top it off it’s autism awareness week like I’m supposed to celebrate. Some days I do and I get it but other days I quite simply hate autism, if I could cut it out of me like an annoying growth I think I would on some days. I’ve had meltdowns at work and felt like I can’t cope that I’m on the edge but then I get the support of some understanding friends that say the right thing to make me put it all in order, and to top it of my lovely little boy puts it all into perspective this week too.
It was the first birthday party for 8 years I was so nervous about it and full of anxiety. I organise events as part of my job for hundreds of children but doing this one event for my little boy had me in a emotional mess. He’s turning 13 has struggled with friendships not fitting in, bullied and tormented, high anxiety stricken by people and going out to the point of physical sickness. He’s had no friends and has always worried about his birthday. It’s been a rollercoaster of a little life bless him but he wanted a Lego themed pizza party for his 13th. I agreed bought a mini pizza oven, borrowed a milkshake maker and made a Lego cake and agreed for friends to come over. It was the most animated I have ever seen my little boy he was smiling ear to ear he had three friends over who played card games and were amazing with him. They were joking and laughing and just enjoying life it was the first time I saw my little boy as a happy little boy. After they left he broke down when he hugged me and it made me melt. I love him so much and to see acceptance from his friends is all the autism awareness I will ever need to share!